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The
Grievance
By
Tammy Miser
For
reference, incase you missed the last article.
A grudge is deep-seated, a feeling of resentment or hatred.
This is something that you or others bear and/or give and is an
emotion derived from detestation. Grievance is a cause for complaint or
protest; be it actual or theoretical circumstance and is based on an
injustice or having been wronged. This
is more of a moral emotion derived from love of yourself and or others and
something you mostly bare as a form of grieving.
Just an added note, one may turn into the other.
We
all have many grievances in life but the key is not letting it turn into a
grudge. After being asked if
I carried a grudge and responding with a no I wondered how I manage to
hold back the G word. Many do
carry a grudge and by no means do I judge them however I do feel for them;
simply because it is hard enough handling the grieving process let alone
carrying all the hate. Not to
say I never felt hate because I did feel it.
I hated that my brother was gone, I hated that my son was so
confused and distraught, I hated that their were no regulations, I hated
that Hayes-Lemmerz cared so little, I hated that it was going to happen
again (and it has), in general I hated dealing with it all.
Looking
back in the beginning I couldn’t react; my body took over.
I was Physically ill, cried most of the time, and couldn’t
concentrate or function. When
people told me that I needed to get help it only infuriated me. I felt
they were stating I had no right to grieve.
The eye opener was when I couldn’t remember taking my son to
daycare. I set in the car
crying; wondering what was wrong with me, could someone grieve their self
to death and was there a God.
I
knew then it was time speak to the doctor and find out if I was stable and
what I could do to ensure the safety of my family and myself.
My Doctor put me on medication, which I hated; I felt it would keep
me from going through the processes. in reality it helped me focus so that
I was able to deal with my melt down.
My biggest issues were guilt and shame of feeling I had killed my
brother. I pray no one has to
make such a decision.
After
dealing with my brother death, I cultured how to focus my focus.
Did I confuse you? Good
because you’re paying attention. There
is a business process that places enface on what makes money instead of
what does not. In our case, what works rather that what does not.
How does this help? When
we dwell on the non-working aspects we slowly build discuss, stress, anger
and hate. However when we
concentrate on working aspects we gain hope, confidence, and direction.
We cannot possibly have good relationships or even operate with
non-working aspects. We
can perform and thrive with some peace of mind knowing we are striving to
put in to place what does work.
A good example of what I am trying to convey is this:
My son brings me a toy army man wanting me to superglue it.
I have fixed this little guy so many times I lost count.
I tell him each and every time, “I have bought you new ones just
trough that one out, this fix will not work.”
Why waist your time and efforts on something that will never work?
Not
only did I apply this to my immediate situation with Shawn but also to worker health and safety. I
was driving myself crazy, gaining a real attitude and mistrust for
everyone. Now I am able to
see light by concentrating on the good rather than fiddling with the wrecked.
We
are all entitled to our grievances, they are real and justifiable but when
we are ready to make real change in ourselves and others we need to set
our minds on favorable things. Even
in your anguish try to set you goals and your aspirations toward what is
functional and gain the happiness you and others around you deserve.
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