~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The
Grudge
By
Tammy Miser
Words
and how people use them often play around in my head.
Some one asked me if I held a grudge since my brother’s
death. I did have to
think about it for a while before I answered, my answer was a
conclusive “no”. Their
response was “How are you able to say that when you get angry,
lash out and spend so much time on the web site and talking to
others.” Of course
this point’s out none of my good qualities, such as the cookie
crumbles.
First
we have to dissect the words grudge and grievance. A grudges is
deep-seated, a feeling of resentment or hatred.
This is something that you or others bear and/or give and
is an emotion derived from detestation. Grievance is a cause for
complaint or protest; be it actual or theoretical circumstance and
is based on an injustice or having been wronged.
This is more of a moral emotion derived from love of
yourself and or others and something you mostly bare as a form of
grieving. Just an
added note, one may turn into the other.
My
latest bout with the grudge was a flooring job we had in our home.
We decided we wanted to get some new flooring.
We checked around and found we could get it done cheaper
than we could do so ourselves, so off to our encounter from hell.
They scheduled a date for our new flooring and in plenty of
time before the holidays. We
were so excited, explained they had no need to worry about the
furniture we would remove all of it before they arrived and we
paid them in full before we left.
The
day they scheduled to start our job my husband had a root canal
and I myself had to work so we left our home unlocked for their
conveyance. My
husband arrived at our home before I did only to discover they
were ripping up the wrong room and not only was it the wrong room
but a room we stored much of our moved furniture.
As he walked trough the room he discovered they had ripped
two items down he had bolted to the wall one leaving a huge hold
in the wall and the other ripping the back off of the idem.
The items that they removed from that room were placed in
the garage, some it was busted and the rest covered in sawdust.
I think my husband was in shock because he called me before
confronting them. I
personally felt he was exaggerating because he tends to do so,
however when I returned I was in tears.
If
you think this is the end of the story it is only the beginning.
One of the toilets was not sealed properly so it has the
flooring in the bathroom. They
left our heat pump piping out of the drain causing it to flood
under all the lower level flooring and buckle it.
The stairs were truly atrocious it was not properly
installed, as the rest of the flooring.
On top of it all they cut off the stairs and other sections
of the home causing huge gaps they cannot be fixed.
We
did contact All About Carpet and he said he would come and check
it out. He sent out someone who had no clue what was going on and no
authority. So again we waited for him to show only to get
another with no clue. The
third time is the charm and what were we thinking he was a no show
land wouldn't return calls.
We
contemplated our next step. It
wasn’t really enough money to take it to court and they new
that. We decided to post it on ripoff.com, my old Cleaning
website with photos, wrote Shaw, turned them in to the BBB,
and finally ran an add in the paper with photos for about a month
all of which brought about no response.
By this time I was really ticked, my thoughts were picket,
get signs made and line the streets with them, put magnetic signs
on my car, go in and give them a real good piece of my mind but my
husband wasn’t going for it.
I
had a real grievance they ripped me off and it showed my
dim-wittedness for giving them payment in full before the job was
finished. When I look
back the thought that kept coming to mind was:
I had a business and would never treat a customer like
that, I went out of my way to make them happy and I would never
want my name ran through the ringer.
Why? Because I took pride in my work and the work I
represented and would never entertain the idea of ripping someone
off. So in essence; I
was going back to my childhood and pointing out “That’s not
fair”. I was resentful and had a bruised pride.
I thought many unmentionable things about this man and his
business as
I strived to wipe
out my source of pain. Not
only did I want to settle the score but beat him at his own game,
after all none of us want to be losers.
I had this concentrated motivation propelled by hate
directed upon this individual and their actions.
Holding
a grudge never gets easier, we can never get a grip on it.
It brings to mind Ally (my dog), chasing her tail. Ally runs after the hairy little pest; sometimes even getting
a handle on it but ultimately she never wins.
Ally just retires to her bed, unfulfilled, out of energy,
still peering at her downed tail and contemplating on the next time.
Grudges leave us with a feeling of indifference, fatigued and
completely defeated all of which leaves us stressed.
The
stress we inherit from a grudge wreaks havoc on our physical and
mental state. It
can result in feelings of distrust, rejection, anger, and
depression, which in turn can lead to health problems such as
headaches, rashes, upset stomach, ulcers, insomnia, high blood
pressure, heart disease, and stroke.
There
is a very simple solution, just do not focus on it and let it go!
If you cannot come to an understanding with the association
and circumstance then come to terms with yourself. You will then be
able to move on by freeing up much needed time and energy for the
better things in life.
|
