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Are
You Helping or Hurting.
by
Tammy Miser
As
anyone knows by now if I continually hear the same thing over and over I
write about it. One thing I hear about often is the
after effects of well meaning family, friends, and coworkers impose upon
an already grieving family. At this time it is more
important than ever for everyone involved to think before they speak.
This
list of comment should never be said and reasons why:
-
I
know how you feel. No matter what you have been
through you can never possible know exactly what another person thinks
and feels. There are no two people alike and we are
all in different stages of growth therefore you cannot know how they
feel and think.
-
God
wanted him/her with in heaven him. Some things
are better off unsaid and if this is your belief and brings comfort to
you that is great however for most all it does is weaken their faith
and bring about anger. Most people cannot and will
not understand a God who snatches people from the earth.
-
The
reason for disease and death is sin. This may
be the case in the long haul however we all have sinned and continue
to do so. It has nothing to do what so ever with
their sinful life. We are all born into sin and die
in it. In order for this statement to be true there
would be some who never die and what about all the babies and children
whom are lost so early on.
-
It
is time to move on. There is no time limit for
grief therefore there is no set time to move on or get over it.
First of all the blood and brain chemistry itself changes
during grief. The same way a women’s body changes
to handle a birth and delivery so does a grieving body. No
one can control this process and your words will only further their
grief making them feel as if there is something wrong with them.
Now that we have the don’ts here is a list of do’s and guess what?
It’s easy:
-
Be
available. They may need a shoulder or an ear,
so bring a box of tissues. They may not feel like
cooking or eating, so carry in a meal they enjoy. They
may not (believe it or not) want to bath so bring them some new
products to try out. They may not even want
to get out of bed so go to their home and does some laundry, clean the
house, or mow the lawn most of the time that will motivate them some
just because they can’t just lie there while someone else works.
If they do chose to just lay there then hey you have done your
good deed anyhow. Just be observant and do or be
what is needed.
-
Counselor.
Give it time before you fill this role but if you do feel that
they have lost too much weight, lost a job, basically they are not
functioning at all or the family is being effected then see if you can
get them to a doctor. It may mean you need to have
someone else who has been in that situation or on meds to speak to
them. Remember to remind them that what they feel
and think is normal and there are times when we all need a little help
and remind them of all the good times, this just helps rember they are
loved and needed. Just telling them they are loved
and needed is not enough they may not care at the moment but none of
us can resist emotion we already have.
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