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Boundaries
Not
many know I have been seeing someone
for behavioral health. Not
that I am ashamed to admit it but I really didn’t feel it was needed and
to be honest the fellow I was seeing didn’t either.
I thought while I was there I would take the opportunity to gain a
coping skill. I have issues
with overwhelming guilt. I
tend to think of all the families I come in contact with as my people,
just as a mother gathers her children together for comfort when one of
them are hurting. When one of
my people experience burn out, brake down, can’t get true answers, or
has no place else left to turn I take it to heart.
I
deal daily with the repercussions of tragedy and having had two of my own
recently I know the yo-yo effect many encounter.
Many have asked how I deal with it all and after thinking about it
I felt maybe I was in denial. I
am not in denial, I feel the pain and suffering right along with others
who have had this type of loss. It
sucks and it’s not fair but life must go on.
I have said it before we are all here for a purpose and we all have
a calling. There is a
distinct difference between a purpose and a calling.
Everyone’s basic purpose is to live and let live, take care of
your family, show compassion, lend a hand, have respect, and take care of
all of our surroundings as best we can.
Our purpose leads us to our calling if we are listening and willing
to let it be; it comes to us whether we want it or not, thus a CALLING.
I
have no doubt in my mind USMWF was and is my calling.
Along with this call I was given strength to endure the heartache
others and I carry and the skills to stay healthy mentally.
So after speaking to my therapist I had this epiphany
the kind that hits you with force and you can literally see the light and
hear the angels singing. What
an experience, a life changing event, because you just get it.
Dang I felt good until suddenly it came to a screeching halt by
means of a brain flash…My mom
smacking me upside the head and saying, “you moron”.
Yep I will come clean I had dim-witted moment.
I needed boundaries, heck I have them in other areas so why not
this? Who knows maybe as I
told my therapist it was just easier to do myself and I feel an
overwhelming responsibility to my people and my brother as well.
In
every aspect of life we want to treat the disease not the symptoms which
takes understanding and acknowledging the precursors.
In my case in order to set boundaries my defined symptoms are:
I
am born caregiver and with that come an overwhelming feeling of
responsibility, self retention, and guilt.
-
The
responsibly comes from the mothering instinct most women are born with
it. I have always felt if you see something that isn’t right or
needs change fix it. One
has no right to complain if they are not willing to be a part of the
change. So my beanie
brain continually tells me to get off my butt when called no matter
what is going on or how stuffed my schedule is.
-
Self
retention is more of a character flaw; in order to know it is done
right I have to do it. Delegation
is extremely difficult for me because how will I know if it is getting
done, training someone takes even more of my time, and when dealing
with people there is the connection factor.
-
Guilt
is the worst; guilty because I can’t really do it all. Guilty when
someone does not do as well because I am there to help and have
failed. Guilty because I
cannot personally be there for comfort and assistance.
Guilt all of which I placed on myself and is unreasonable
however I have it all the same.
Defining
the symptoms is easy but curing the disease takes some real effort.
First and foremost you must feel good about any further decisions
you will make. Know that the steps you take are for your and others well
being. The boundaries you are
setting are yours not someone else’s idea of what they should be, and
not a combination there of. Empower
yourself by setting priorities and goals that do not infringe upon your
and your families well being.
Because
there is no direct confrontation I have an easy solution.
All I need is to empower myself by setting working limitations so I
do not burn out.
-
Set a clear working hours 9-5
Monday through Friday
-
Shut
off my cell phone after 5 and on weekends.
-
Finish
one project before starting another/quit multi tasking as often.
-
If
my work is not finished, too bad, tomorrow is another day.
-
Delegate
tasks when possible.
-
Remind
others to set their own boundaries.
Even
though your passionate mission may be a calling it wasn’t meant for one
individual. So there is no
shame in setting limitations and asking for help. Whether
we are doing because it is our calling, responsibility, we are paid, or
feel the reward you have needs too. What
good are we to anyone if we are broken or have broken promises?
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