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***Warning
May Be Disturbing***
My
Rambling of Tradition, Lists and Decisions
“This
type of tradition and emotion up may seem belated in a newsletter for
families of lost loves but it may ease previous decisions and change
future resolutions.”
Two
of life’s most moving events are new life and the loss of a loved one
and there are as many traditions for each.
The
word tradition comes from
the Latin word traditio which means "to hand down" or
"to hand over." Traditions are
formed from by means of religious responsibility, superstitions, past
experiences and some a combination of all.
Neither
I nor my husband’s families were stooped in customs but we declared our
own. When each of my
children were born we planted a tree, I am not sure why but it came from
the idea that a tree represents a new, long, and prosperous life.
The type of tree you plant determines the qualities you hold dear
for your child and is a lingering memory after they are gone. A couple of
examples are:
We
make plans for everything and if you’re as anal as I am you make a list
for everything. I have
monthly, weekly, and daily list, I even have lists within my list. The one
thing most everyone neglects to list are their end of life and death
wishes. For some reason the
death talk seems to be taboo. In
2004 I had written on the importance of wills “Will it to
be Done” [http://www.usmwf.org/articles/2004-2006/will_it_to_be_done.htm]
Shawn’s
(my brother) life and death were unconventional so I suppose there was no
reason to stop there. Although Shawn’s body was not release for some
time we had a service the same week of his death.
I really don’t remember much of it but I do remember his burial.
He lived on a farm across from a small cemetery that was
technically not closed. Shawn
had stated he wanted to be there so we fought to get him in.
Once we finally received permission for a burial we all made the
trip to his home, had another small personal service and escorted Shawn
down on his tractor. We said a
prayer and then proceeded one by one picking up a shovel or handful of
dirt until he was covered. Now it seems really redneck but it was perfect
for Shawn and very personal.
After
speaking to several others about what their wishes were, what they have
done for others and viewing an article recently it made me think about
what I wanted and what was best for others.
I will not get into my boring details but Anita French’s
Death
Decisions [http://www.swtimes.com/articles/2007/06/19/business/e-business01.txt]
was very interesting and brought some new light and options to the
scene.
Anita’s
article
started out with this question “Here’s a poll question you may not see
published: How many Americans would prefer not to be embalmed or fussed
over when they die, opting instead for cremation, direct burial or a
do-it-yourself, at-home affair?” Well
my first reaction was holy cow is that up in your face or what?
Then next I read, “Although a conventional funeral is still the
choice for most, that trend may be changing as baby boomers approach death
and dying, according to industry experts.”
Well I wasn’t sure whether or not I wanted to read this article
but I couldn’t stop thinking about it so here are some statistics and
another option for your list.
-
Green
burial sites are nature preserves.
-
Green
burials range from 1,000 - 2,500 these cost are for opining a site and
ecology.
-
Green
burials allow for your pets to rest with you.
-
According
to the Federal Trade Commission, the average funeral in America costs
around $6,000 and many exceed $10,000 and the average crematory cost
is $1,000 which uses energy, releases dioxin, and mercury.
-
Funeral
homes cannot charge their basic funeral fee if you chose immediate
burial saving $1,000 to $4,000.
-
Each
year, 22,500 cemeteries across the United States bury approximately:
-
827,060
gallons embalming fluid which includes formaldehyde.
-
90,272
tons of steel, 2,700 tons of copper and bronze, and 30-plus million
board feet of hardwoods for caskets.
-
1,636,000
tons of reinforced concrete and 14,000 tons of steel for vaults.
Now
that you have a few statistic, other options, and the topic is open you might be able
to have a discussion with your family about what you would like.
This subject really isn’t taboo and if you have very strong
preference such as I do you must let your wishes be known and even put
them in writing. There is a
great site called Legal Zone [http://www.legalzoom.com] who can help with
this and the cost is minimal.
I
know that this subject is tough for those who have lost someone harshly
and no loss can be a happy event or a cause for tradition but feeling good
about how things were handled and making it personal can give you piece of
mind, control over what ultimately happens and the ability to look back
and feel you have done your loved one justice.
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